I may be like the old man that lives across the street from you cuz one thing in common that he and I have is, I hate change. Especially when its in my life, about the people I care about, about me.
People say being the youngest is the most awesomest thing in life. You get doted upon, you get all the stuff you elder siblings had and even more. You get the fullest attention from your parents and all that.
But those are just one small portion of the whole picture. Till now I wonder why didnt my parents have another kid after me, it is a selfish request from my part till now, even after reaching 21 years of age I still ask them this.
Being youngest the things you get from people surely will come. The attention from your parents surely comes. But at the end of the day I know both of these things won't last. Your parents grow old and get more busier and have less time for you, even for the family. You see your siblings grow up and begin to start on their own journey in life while you are still here in an empty house living out your childhood with 6 bed in it but all of which are empty.
I'd rather be the eldest and leave the first then the youngest to see everyone else leave before me. Which is why i've told my mum once before, in this family i'm the first that's going to die. It is very selfish but I know me, i'm the slowest to let go amongst them, i'm the most soft and sensitive but yet i'm the most stubborn of all. I've tried to change my mentality but it always reverts back to this after life kept on proving to me that I can't change no matter how many times I try.
Back to my life, being occupied with National Service isn't helping one bit. I'm trying to live out my childhood while i'm taken elsewhere to do it while seeing everyone around me growing up and leaving the comfort zone I call home.
Sure I keep coming back whenever im unbounded from NS, to come home and spend time with my family if they are there and not elsewhere at work or school. Sure I still come back to school to meet my friends just so I could feel im still one of them, a student at RP still. People often ask me when they see me, "why are you in school?", honestly I could never give them the true answer to that question. Else everything would be so transparent and no one would understand how things are, how things in my life are like so, how I act a certain way when in a situation.
How I live my life in constant resist to change. Because when change occurs, everything else is left behind.
We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered - Tom Stoppard
The Words Sketched By Q At:
4:26:00 PM
Friday, December 31, 2010
Day 899 - Eve's The Name
Update on my route to happiness.
I got my tix to Asking Alexandria!!
Sure it costs a bit and im broke like broke back mountain but fuck it im gonna see them live X)))
23rd Feb here we go!
The Words Sketched By Q At:
11:08:00 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Day 893 - 10 Days
Haiz/Sighs are the main words to describe my suppositely 10 off days.
The only plan that worked out so far is staying at MBS for dad's bday and mum & dad's anniversary.
If that didnt work out i tell you, im would have done something I should be doing now.
Another 4 plans were supposed to be carried out within these 10 days.
And honestly 2 have failed and 1 is failing.
Leaving with 1 more to work out, which is tomorrow, the outing with W47A.
Gone are the plans to meet with W14Q and most importantly, Mi Mi.
Hopefully not the BBQ with Y2S1 too
I might as well go back to work on the 22nd of December right God?
Thanks for playing out my life as a total waste.
I wouldnt be this mad had I not put in any effort.
But this I had my heart and soul in it.
Now there's no heart of mine left to care and no soul of mine to even bother anymore.
The Words Sketched By Q At:
3:30:00 PM
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Day 859 - A Day Not Spent
I remember the days when all I have is 2 dollars,
And i would wreck my brain figuring out which snacks and sweets I should spend it on for that given day.
And it was always not enough.
That was 10 years ago.
Today all I have is have a few hundred on the 11th,
And I would wreck my brain figuring out which bills I should pay first for that given month.
And it was always not enough.
This is 10 years after.
Christina, Christina. Why you so good and pretty? X)
1) I took the road less travelled by.
2) I'm over temperamental.
3) Im right footed
4) I have 10 fingers (no kidding 0_0).
5) I hate mainstream.
6) I find it hard to trust people based on experiences.
7) I don't believe in fate and ultra religious figures.
8) I wish to be a hippie.
Runs The World
Hearts:
My Family
My Bestie
& Twinny
My Friends
Being realistic
Making my own path and fate or die trying
DisHearts:
Bad surprises
Religious hippies (There is no such true religious person nowadays)
A hippopotamus named "Hypocrite"
A race called "Not acting your own"
A planet called "I am the center of the Universe, hear me babble"
