Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 917 - It'll Never Change


I may be like the old man that lives across the street from you cuz one thing in common that he and I have is, I hate change. Especially when its in my life, about the people I care about, about me.

People say being the youngest is the most awesomest thing in life. You get doted upon, you get all the stuff you elder siblings had and even more. You get the fullest attention from your parents and all that.
But those are just one small portion of the whole picture. Till now I wonder why didnt my parents have another kid after me, it is a selfish request from my part till now, even after reaching 21 years of age I still ask them this.

Being youngest the things you get from people surely will come. The attention from your parents surely comes. But at the end of the day I know both of these things won't last. Your parents grow old and get more busier and have less time for you, even for the family. You see your siblings grow up and begin to start on their own journey in life while you are still here in an empty house living out your childhood with 6 bed in it but all of which are empty.


I'd rather be the eldest and leave the first then the youngest to see everyone else leave before me. Which is why i've told my mum once before, in this family i'm the first that's going to die. It is very selfish but I know me, i'm the slowest to let go amongst them, i'm the most soft and sensitive but yet i'm the most stubborn of all. I've tried to change my mentality but it always reverts back to this after life kept on proving to me that I can't change no matter how many times I try.

Back to my life, being occupied with National Service isn't helping one bit. I'm trying to live out my childhood while i'm taken elsewhere to do it while seeing everyone around me growing up and leaving the comfort zone I call home.

Sure I keep coming back whenever im unbounded from NS, to come home and spend time with my family if they are there and not elsewhere at work or school. Sure I still come back to school to meet my friends just so I could feel im still one of them, a student at RP still. People often ask me when they see me, "why are you in school?", honestly I could never give them the true answer to that question. Else everything would be so transparent and no one would understand how things are, how things in my life are like so, how I act a certain way when in a situation.

How I live my life in constant resist to change. Because when change occurs, everything else is left behind.


We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered
- Tom Stoppard


The Words Sketched By Q At: 4:26:00 PM


Challenge Accepted!:


Currently:

Wasting 2 more years of my life

Still comprehending with change

Working under Ops at 2nd div CD HQ




A Painting Of Reality


At Loss For Words




Be Kind Rewind

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